How the Story Ends
Plotting out one’s final wishes eases the burden on those left behind.
Death is an inevitable and regrettable part of life. Even so, most people would rather not think about it, discuss it with loved ones, or plot out their final wishes. Tom Cavanaugh, a former Roman Catholic priest who now works in the death industry, has seen too many grieving families struggle because their deceased loves ones chose not to plan ahead.
“It’s never too early to start planning,” says Cavanaugh, director of cemetery sales and family services for Laurel Hill, which has campuses in Philadelphia and Bala Cynwyd. “When you’re in your 20s, 30s, and 40s, you’re not thinking about those things, but you never know when something is going to happen.”
He cites two recent memorials at Laurel Hill: one for a 52-year-old woman; another for a 37-year-old man.
“When the time comes,” he adds, “pre-planning makes a big difference on the funeral-home staff and on the family, because you can make these weighty financial decisions in a calm, clear-minded manner. … No one wants to be in a position where the people left behind are in emotional turmoil and running around scrambling.”
Cavanaugh understands why such decisions “get easily put on the back burner.” Some people choose to wait because they may not yet know their final wishes—a traditional or a “green” burial, cremation, having their ashes spread, etc. Some even opt for a “living funeral,” or pre-funeral, in which the person is alive and present for their memorialization. Such ceremonies are often reserved for individuals who may not have much time left due to a terminal illness or advanced age and want a sense of closure.
Much like a will or some other essential estate-planning document, one’s final wishes can be updated later if plans or intentions change.
“It’s rare to have someone come in and say, ‘This is exactly what I want,’” Cavanaugh adds. “We want to be able to educate people and listen to what their needs are. … We have some families we’ve worked with for years who still haven’t made up their minds.”
The national median cost of a funeral with a viewing and burial in 2021 was approximately $7,800, according to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), while the median cost of a funeral with cremation was approximately $6,900. Traditional burials are not as popular as they once were, while interest in cremation continues to climb; the U.S. cremation rate is expected to increase from 60.5 percent in 2023 to more than 81 percent by 2045, NFDA statistics show.
“Pricing [of cemetery plots] goes up every year,” Cavanaugh adds. “The good thing about pre-planning is that you can lock in the current pricing.”
Tasha Dugan, a licensed funeral home director and Laurel Hill’s manager of funeral home services, cites another benefit of planning ahead: more time to think creatively and plan out every aspect of the service.
“We take the lead from the family, but we can craft services to them specifically,” Dugan says. “Before families come in, we suggest they talk to each other about what they want, but it’s also a good idea to keep their options open. How and where someone is memorialized doesn’t have to be cookie-cutter. There are so many different options to celebrate someone’s life.”
Published (and copyrighted) in Suburban Life magazine, August 2024.
